What is good preaching?
The Perfect Pastor: Understanding and Relating to the Life and Work of a Pastor
From the introduction
London/Wiseman: What about the ways a congregation can take care of the pastor?
Bob: Congregational care of the pastor is more likely to happen if key laypeople are trained to know the unique strains, as well as the blessings, of being a pastor. For example, most laypeople don’t understand how many pastors have a Monday adrenaline loss after a busy Sunday. They have no experience with the constant demands, the frequent role changes, the willingness of parishioners to drop everything emotionally on the pastor. The ‘ain’t it awful’ syndrome we hear so often in the church; the peripheral issues that people bring to the pastor; the accumulative load from a thousand tiny parasites, like self-centeredness, control, pride and intolerance – these seem multiplied on Sundays, and they take their toll on many pastors the following day.1
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Twenty-nine-year-old Paul served as a youth director before taking on his first pastorate. He, his wife and three little children entered the small town church with high hopes and abundant enthusiasm. The little church was started by a conservative group who had broken away from a mainline denomination. Initially, they maintained their denominational name, style of worship and form of government. Paul, at his core a Baptist, agreed to take the call since many of the members were comfortable with his theology.
However, only a few months into his ministry he encountered the first real challenge. During a regular board meeting, Paul was informed that he was not fulfilling his duties. Without a formal or written job description, the board, nevertheless, had particular expectations of Paul as the sole pastor. Paul, too, had expectations largely informed by the pastor of the church in which he grew up whom he considered his mentor. With his seminary training still fresh on his mind, he was operating on the assumption that what he had been taught was indeed the right and biblical way to minister. He was also enough of an idealist to think that the congregation and the board would follow his lead because he believed he was operating on biblical principles.
The board was composed of business and retired military men and women. Some were charter members. A few of them had purchased the acreage and built the facility with their own generous funds. They liked their old Southern denominational roots and church traditions.
In the minds of these board members, the pastor was an employee of the board, a submissive servant hired to do their bidding. Any job description would be determined by them and adjusted as they saw fit. This young man’s recoiling at their demands surprised and angered them.
Paul was baffled and became frustrated with the board. How could they insist that he was failing to measure up? After all, they had failed to communicate their expectations, and he was working very hard as the new pastor. It was an even greater challenge for him because previous pastors willingly submitted to the board. A precedent had been set and the board liked what they had before. Now he was kicking himself because he did not ask more probing questions during the interview process. How could they ask him to do all that a pastor is to do and also serve as the youth minister, church custodian and groundskeeper?
After wrestling through these issues, Paul and the board were able to come to a workable solution. A man was hired part-time to clean the church and different people signed up to take care of the lawn. The rest of the facility maintenance would take place during workdays. But the initial conflict was not without a cost. Paul’s refusal to keep house and mow lawns led most of the board members to believe that he lacked humility and was lazy. Sadly, the tension between the two parties lasted the entire three years Paul served in the church.
Paul was the first pastor with whom I developed a friendship. My wife and I entered the church a couple of weeks after he and his family started at the church. Though I was still in the military, Paul came to treat me as his very part-time, unofficial and unpaid assistant. I was more of a confidant, gopher and yes man than anything else. The role was easy because we shared a heart and service for the Lord, biblical convictions, youthful idealism, and a philosophy of ministry. Paul provided me with many opportunities to gaze into the world of pastoral ministry. Upon sharing his first ministerial challenge, I was likewise angered. The trouble was, neither of us comprehended the heart of the matter. It was not so much about who was in control, though there was some of that to be sure. Rather, both parties were operating on different presuppositions and paradigms. Both sides defined and described ministry differently. What’s more, each board member had in mind his or her own personal perspective as to what a pastor is and does, which at times in conflict with the other members. The board seemingly lacked an objective or absolute standard upon which to define and describe the person and role of a pastor.
Over the years, in many different churches, I have observed and experienced this dynamic again and again. Conflict between members in the congregation and the pastor or between the governing body of the church and the pastor has often times resulted from divergent expectations. People place expectations on the pastor and the pastor places expectations on the people. Most often these expectations are unspoken or at least poorly communicated.
Most church members have good intentions toward their pastor. However, their often unrealistic understanding of what a pastor is supposed to be and do is based on an ignorance of the Bible’s teaching. Thus, I resolved to research the Scriptures’ teaching on the relationship and role between a pastor and his people.
The purpose of this book is not merely to address conflict between people and pastors, per se. Other books and resources are available to help resolve conflict between pastors and church people. The purpose is not even merely to define and describe the qualifications and work of a pastor. There are many good books which speak to that subject too. My purpose is to provide a tool to improve relationships between church members and their pastors, and bring them into greater proximity to God’s purposes.
Such a tool is not only useful, but necessary. This conclusion is borne out of thirty-six years as an active member in various churches (independent, Baptist, and now conservative Presbyterian). This includes two years as a church board member, one year as youth director, four years as an elder, and ten years as a pastor. In other words, God has blessed me with many years on both sides of the proverbial fence.
Before becoming a pastor I had a strong admiration for a few pastors, was ambivalent about a few, and also had little trust or respect for a few. The latter were those with whom I had some conflict. Hindsight has taught me that the conflict was often because they disappointed my expectations. Admittedly, most of those expectations were at best, personal, or at worst, unbiblical.
After I became a pastor, I encountered people who were disappointed or angry with me. Why? Some of the time I missed the biblical mark as a pastor, but most of the time I had disappointed their expectations. For them, I failed or violated their personal preferences. Time has taught me that a significant portion of the interpersonal problems and conflicts between a member of the church and me as pastor, centered upon misguided or even sinful expectations we had of each other.
There is much written about pastors, particularly their role and duties toward God’s people. Yet, nearly all of it is addressed to ministerial students or pastors. On the other hand, virtually nothing is written about the member’s role and duties toward the pastor.
The Bible is the God-given authority for all matters pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 3:1-11). Since this is true, the Bible is the standard against which to evaluate a pastor’s call, character and competency. It is also the authority on a congregant’s service to his pastor and other church members.
So, this book is designed to be a tool. Church members will be better equipped to choose a pastor, to relate to him and to support him. Pastors, likewise, will find ways to relate to the varieties of people in their church.
This book is also a story. It’s about a fictional pastor named Dan, and his family. It tells the realistic, practical, humorous, exasperating real-life experiences of a pastor. Dan attempts to apply the Bible’s requirements, roles and responsibilities of every pastor to his own strengths and shortcomings and to a diverse, and sometimes difficult, body of believers.