In the Bible, what does it mean to honor others, particularly to honor parents?
A. How do you define the biblical word for honor?
1. The root of the Old Testament word meant “heavy or weighty”
2. Figuratively it meant “weighty in the sense of being impressive or noteworthy.” From that came other words and concepts such as glorious, to glorify, or to be honorable.
3. So the word honor comes to mean “giving glory to one deserving of respect, attention, and obedience.”
B. Who was honorable? Who were people worthy of honor in the Bible?
1. It was someone with a reputation, such as a reputation of high social status.
a. See Numbers 22:15.
b. The righteous who were rich. It was often assumed that riches and long life were the just rewards of a righteous life (1 Chron 29:28).
c. One may have the honor given to him if he attained this high position, but he or she must measure up to it.
Proverbs is clear that the trappings of glory and honor without the true weightiness of character were an offense to the nature of life itself! Read the following verses:
· Prov. 21:21 –
· Prov. 22:4 –
· Prov. 26:1 –
2. Persons in positions of authority and responsibility were to be honored.
a. These would be elders, judges, kings, and parents. They had an authoritative position deserving of respect.
b. There are levels of authority in different spheres. Honoring God is of the highest order,
above all other authorities, including parents (Exodus 20:3; Deuteronomy 5; Lev. 26:13; Psa. Luke 9:59-60).
c. “The authority parents have in the family is the responsibility and executive ability to positively influence each other and their children, and to do what is right for each one’s benefit and ultimate good” (D.T. Owsley, Cultivating Kids - Enriching Parents).
d. In the Bible, particularly in the New Testament, authority is not a power-over control. Elders and parents have some level of authority but it is for the purpose of building others up and not for tearing down (e.g. 2 Cor. 13:10). Biblical authority in Christ is a stewardship of servitude for others so they may flourish in life and godliness.
The Bible tells us how this type of counter-cultural authority is to be exercised when it gives definitions and descriptions to elders in the church. They are to be examples to others of Christ-like leadership. So, how do they exercise this type authority?
(1) From a motivation of love (John 21:16):
(a) Making appeals from love for Christ’s sake (Philemon 8-9).
(b) With compassion for one who is distressed (Matt. 9:36; Mk. 6:34; Jas. 5:14).
(c) Sacrificially, with a willingness to lay down their lives for his wife (John 10:11,15).
(2) With a servant’s heart (Matt. 20:25; Lk 22:26).
(3) With a tender, watchful care for his wife and family (1 Tim. 3:5; Heb. 13:17).
(4) Voluntarily (1 Pet. 5:2).
(5) As examples of Jesus (1 Pet. 5:3).
e. When any individual in Christ’s realm demands absolute and total compliance from others, (husbands over wives, parents over children, elders over church members, etc.) he is doing exactly what Jesus forbids: he is lording it over them (Matt. 20:25; Mk 10:42; Lk. 22:25f; 2 Cor. 1:24; 1 Pet. 5:3). What does it mean to lord it over? It is the excessive or coercive use of authority for unbiblical, sinful, and/or self-serving purposes rather than for the glory of God, the edification and the loving welfare of his wife.
3. Persons of heroic feats, courage, fidelity, in other words whose character deserved it, were to be honored.
a. Of course, the best example is God Himself.
b. Another such example was David and his men (1 Kings 11:21).
c. We do the same today with such heroes as famous astronauts or military soldier of valor and
strength.
C. According to the Bible, in what ways is honor shown? What are the aspects of honor?
1. The first aspect is respect, reverence, and fear
a. To honor God is to revere and fear Him. Only He is deserving of such a great glory! Not even parents deserve this kind of honor (Matt. 10:35ff; Mk 10:29f).
b. In the Fifth Commandment, respect for father and mother is a consequence of our fear, reverence and respect for God. However, no place in the Bible are people told to fear their parents.
c. Dr. Patrick Miller, states, “Children are also commanded to ‘honor’ father and mother, a duty that isunderstood to extend through adulthood (see, for example, Exod. 20:12 and Deut. 5:16). (The Child in the Bible, p. 180).
d. To honor and respect parents means to show deference.
(1) “[T]he Decalogue stipulates ‘honor’ for the parents, not submission (Exod. 20:12), and
Leviticus 19:3, more to the issue here, enjoins ‘reverence’ for mother and father” (The Child in the Bible; p. 976).
(2) We respect our parents when we use respectful language, address them with proper
titles, or use respectful manners around them. An example is when servants were to speak respectfully by not giving an irreverent, cross answer to their master (Ti. 2:9).
(3) The opposite of this is cursing parents (Ex. 21:17; Lev. 20:9; Prov. 20:20; 30:11) or despising
them (Prov. 23:22).
4) What are several ways adult children can honor their parents? Showing kindness, seeking their highest good out of love, showing concern for their welfare, speaking respectfully and truthfully with them, correcting them with gentleness, and helping them when needed and you are able.
2. The second aspect of honor is submission.
a. In the Bible, we see honor with submission in relationships with people before kings, soldiers to
their commanders, and slaves before masters. As in the case of the Fifth Commandment, submission involves obedience but honor and obedience are not the same thing. Nowhere in the Old Testament are children commanded to obey or submit to their parents.
However, Ephesians 6:1-3 and Colossians 3:20 do tell children to keep on obeying their parents. See below. But the children do so “in the Lord.” At the same time, fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath (Eph. 6:4). To provoke to anger means to embitter or stir them up and exasperate.
b. To submit requires a level of humility.
For example, you must be humble enough to listen attentively in order to receive instruction or commands from the person in authority (ex: Prov. 3:1-2; 4:10). You must be humble in order to be willing to hear and change. It takes humility to have an expectation of learning. Have you ever noticed how a proud, disrespectful person is often so unteachable (e.g.: 1 Timothy 5:1, 1 Peter 5:5)?
c. What is submission in the New Testament?
(1) From Olive Tree Enhanced Strong's Dictionary g5293: “ὑποτάσσω hypotassō; from 5259
and 5021; to subordinate; reflexively, to obey: — be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto.”
“AV (40) - put under 6, be subject unto 6, be subject to 5, submit (one's) self unto 5, submit (one's) self to 3, be in subjection unto 2, put in subjection under 1.”
(2) Depending on the context, which is always important to understanding words,
submission means:
to arrange under
to subordinate, to subject, put in subjection
to subject one's self, obey
to submit to one's control
to yield to one's admonition or advice
to obey, be subject
(3) The common use in that Roman and Greek culture of the early church, for hupotasso was in the militaristic sense: submit to another’s will and total control.
The Greek military term (hupotasso) meant "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". It had the idea of absolute and total compliance with the expressed wishes and demand of the leader. The Romans used common Greek as their international trade language but of course, they had their own words but they pretty much meant the same.
In the Greek and Roman culture, the popular use had to do with submitting to another person’s authority. We see this in the Roman Paterfamilias where the father exerted complete father-rule over the family. But he was even under the rule of his father or grandfather. Roman culture held that the state was the ideal family and the emperor was the Papa. Families were an organic part of the extended family (Rome). Disobedience to one’s husband or father was often tantamount to treason.
In this sense, it meant to submit to another person’s will or control. This was often seen in the military context, when meant to be placed or to arrange oneself under the command of the leader. It had the idea of absolute and total compliance with all of the expressed wishes and demands of the leader. In other words, no is not an option.
This type of submission is when the objective is uniformity.
(4) The less common use of hupotasso was to voluntarily place yourself under another.
To yield to one’s admonition, advice, or wishes. It was an attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden. In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden".
For example, we do this all the time when we work for someone, join an organization, or enroll in a school. We voluntarily submit to the guidelines, policies, our teachers and managers.
This type of submission is when the objective is unity.
Paul and Peter letters tell us one of the key goals in Christ’s family is to gain harmony and peace in all relationships. Jesus is the true Papa, his kingdom is the true empire, and Christian families are organically connected to that. The Christian father resembles Papa Jesus who unites us to himself as the head.
The contexts tell us they use the non-military application of hupotasso. The New Testament authors often took common terms of the culture but gave them meanings to reflect the culture of Christ’s heavenly kingdom. So, the Roman society had their idea about submission (as absolute and total compliance) but Christians could say they too submit. Christians’ type of submission was radically counter-cultural because they submitted to their Lord over all lords, gave allegiance to their true Papa, and practiced a different kind of submission in families. This was one of several reasons why Christians were rejected. Some authorities who understood the implication of this different practice of submission found in the New Testament letters considered it repulsive and treasonous.
How do we know this second use of hupotasso is how Paul and Peter use it? Because all Christians are called to submit to Christ and to each other in order to accomplish his purposes, one of which is to gain harmony and peace in relationships because of Jesus.
(5) With regard to young children and youth, here is a simple way to define biblical obedience: “To listen and do is to follow after you, and to follow your way is to obey.”
d. Are there limits to submission?
(1) No parent is ever in the position to receive reverence on the level reserved for God alone – even when he or she demands it. And no parent has a right to lord it over their children, regardless of age.
(2) Our respect and submission to God has a higher priority than does our respect and submission to our parents (Matt. 10:37; Luke 9:59-60; 14:26). These verses of course teach us that when it comes to a choice between God and parents, God has preeminence.
(3) We submit or honor except when they command or demand that we sin or be sinned against in any way that violates God’s Word.
(a) For example, see Daniel 1, 3:8-18, or Acts 4:29.
(b) Another example is when Abigail rightly dishonored her husband by calling him a fool and double-crossing him in favor of God. God rewarded her for that (1 Samuel 25).
(c) Elders and prophets who were not wise according to God’s Word were not honorable. In fact, there were times when God said that to honor such men was to dishonor God.
3. Then, a third aspect of honor in the Old Testament was provision
a. Providing time with them.
b. Providing financial support.
D. What about children submitting to their parents in the New Testament era?
1. Children are to honor and submit to their parents.
a. As stated above, the caveat is that Christian children are to submit in the Lord (Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20).
b. Ephesians 6:1-3 calls upon children to submit/obey their parents. The Koine Greek term in this case, means “to hear under (as a subordinate), to listen attentively; by implication, to heed or conform to a command or authority” (Strong’s Concordance).
c. The idea in this Greek term is related to the Old Testament word, shema (hear). This means, to
listen attentively so as to follow along or follow directions. “In the Bible, shema is predicated on
relationship, not blind obedience” (Flourishing Homes and Families; meme).
d. As we have seen, the Old Testament calls for grown children to honor their parents but with no explicit command to obey their parents. Once a person has become an adult, and particularly when she or he is married, the role of the parent changes. The father or mother may still teach but the son or daughter now considers the instruction as advice they seriously consider though not something they are obligated to obey. Obedient honor becomes respect for the parent in other ways.
(1) Consider Abraham who left his father’s house to follow God.
(2) Or think for example of Ruth who left her parents and nation behind to follow her mother-in-law.
(3) 2 Kings 18:3 tells us that Hezekiah did not follow his godless father.
2. When Jesus came, things changed with regard to the Old Testament Law. The underlying basis for the parent-child relationship is dictated by love, which is the ethic of Christ’s new world.
Showing kindness, seeking their highest good out of love, showing concern for their welfare, speaking respectfully and truthfully with them, correcting them with gentleness, and helping them when needed and you are able…are several ways adults honor their parents.
3. Further, adult children in Christ were now members of Jesus’ family. He is the one to whom they give full allegiance. Yet again, they could listen to their parents’ advice but they had to exercise discernment and wisdom to determine whether to follow it or not.
4. When parents sin, and they do, children and youth obey in the Lord and do so patiently.
a. As a youth, Jesus submitted to his parents, though they were often wrong and often sinned
(Luke 2:51; 1 Pet. 2:18-24).
b. But the principle still applies: children obey as long as they are not commanded to sin, to be
sinned against, or to choose against God.
c. Children submit at this level until they are independent adults.